It's often said that chivalry is dead. If that is true, it is well over-due that we resurrect it.
Of course, when I say chivalry, I'm not talking about donning armor and slaying dragons or rescuing damsels from towers (though those things can be handy metaphors to keep in mind). What I am talking about is adoption of a code of behaviour towards other men and women. I'm talking about the rebirth of the gentleman.
Some people look upon chivalry as an outdated, sexist way of looking at the world, where men are saviors who rescue weak and defenseless women from the dangers of a world that they can't possibly handle on their own. But I would say that to reduce chivalry to this is to significantly miss the benefits that are inherent in adopting such a code of conduct.
To better understand the value of chivalry for the modern man, we have to take women out of the picture. Because the value of being a chivalrous gentleman begins with every man who takes up the mantle for himself.
Chivalry and gentlemanly conduct stands to benefit men, because at its heart it embraces certain innate features of being a man. Men are physically strong, prone to taking risks, naturally suited to physical challenges, geared towards problem-solving, driven and spatially aware. All the qualities that are naturally present in men can be manifest in either positive or negative ways and which one occurs is very much dependent on the foundation of social consciousness that is instilled within each of us.
By adopting the code of the chivalrous gentleman, you create an outlet through which your natural manhood can manifest in the most positive social ways.
It is not about how men see women, but about how we choose to see ourselves and how we choose to use those gifts that nature has bestowed upon us.
We can allow our gifts to make us defenders, providers, lovers, or we can watch them make us criminals, dead-beats and losers.
This is especially important for the young men of today, who need to be taught the significance of their own male gifts and identity, and provided a structure through which those gifts can make them proud, productive, respectful and successful.
Men have power and that power needs to be tempered and used wisely.
Taking on board the idea of chivalry is a way for men to respect each other, to respect women, to respect children and perhaps most importantly, it is a way for every man to find respect for himself.
Of course, when I say chivalry, I'm not talking about donning armor and slaying dragons or rescuing damsels from towers (though those things can be handy metaphors to keep in mind). What I am talking about is adoption of a code of behaviour towards other men and women. I'm talking about the rebirth of the gentleman.
Some people look upon chivalry as an outdated, sexist way of looking at the world, where men are saviors who rescue weak and defenseless women from the dangers of a world that they can't possibly handle on their own. But I would say that to reduce chivalry to this is to significantly miss the benefits that are inherent in adopting such a code of conduct.
To better understand the value of chivalry for the modern man, we have to take women out of the picture. Because the value of being a chivalrous gentleman begins with every man who takes up the mantle for himself.
Chivalry and gentlemanly conduct stands to benefit men, because at its heart it embraces certain innate features of being a man. Men are physically strong, prone to taking risks, naturally suited to physical challenges, geared towards problem-solving, driven and spatially aware. All the qualities that are naturally present in men can be manifest in either positive or negative ways and which one occurs is very much dependent on the foundation of social consciousness that is instilled within each of us.
By adopting the code of the chivalrous gentleman, you create an outlet through which your natural manhood can manifest in the most positive social ways.
It is not about how men see women, but about how we choose to see ourselves and how we choose to use those gifts that nature has bestowed upon us.
We can allow our gifts to make us defenders, providers, lovers, or we can watch them make us criminals, dead-beats and losers.
This is especially important for the young men of today, who need to be taught the significance of their own male gifts and identity, and provided a structure through which those gifts can make them proud, productive, respectful and successful.
Men have power and that power needs to be tempered and used wisely.
Taking on board the idea of chivalry is a way for men to respect each other, to respect women, to respect children and perhaps most importantly, it is a way for every man to find respect for himself.
Good For Boys
There has been a degree of attention given to the problems facing boys in schools, particularly in western Europe and it is now gaining attention in the US and Canada, too.
The balance for male and female outcomes in education has tipped into the other direction, so that now boys are not succeeding in most subjects. Some subjects, like physical education, math and design-technology are still largely male-dominated, which is of little surprise, as these are areas that lend themselves well to natural male abilities. However, in the majority of subjects, boys are performing worse than girls.
Presenting an overview of this crisis and why it is happening, education reporter Kate Hammer identified five key factors: the feminisation of education, the appeal of video games, the boy code of behaviour, developmental differences, and the lack of positive role models.
The feminisation of education is problematic, as it approaches education in a manner that lends itself better to girls and less so to boys. In fact, it's reasonable to say that under this particular model of education, there is a general determination to curb certain male behaviors that are deemed undesirable and to also encourage boys to become more feminised in order to succeed.
The balance needs to be redressed, but in the mean times, instilling a sense of chivalry and gentlemanly conduct in young boys, allows them to have a positive conduit through which to focus their natural tendencies, rather than encouraging them to suppress them.
The "Boy Code" of behaviour is a problem, as it is a matter of society expectations of male behaviour resulting in negative emotional reactions. But being chivalric bridges the gap between societal expectations and the real emotional needs of a boy. Because gentlemanly conduct is already an acceptable social model for male behaviour, it doesn't require a boy to defy the greater projections of society and so feel like an outcast. At the same time, it allows for expression of emotion in a way that is positive, even if those emotions are negative. It doesn't deny aggression, sadness or anger, but it does focus them into something better for society and better for the boys themselves.
There has been a degree of attention given to the problems facing boys in schools, particularly in western Europe and it is now gaining attention in the US and Canada, too.
The balance for male and female outcomes in education has tipped into the other direction, so that now boys are not succeeding in most subjects. Some subjects, like physical education, math and design-technology are still largely male-dominated, which is of little surprise, as these are areas that lend themselves well to natural male abilities. However, in the majority of subjects, boys are performing worse than girls.
Presenting an overview of this crisis and why it is happening, education reporter Kate Hammer identified five key factors: the feminisation of education, the appeal of video games, the boy code of behaviour, developmental differences, and the lack of positive role models.
The feminisation of education is problematic, as it approaches education in a manner that lends itself better to girls and less so to boys. In fact, it's reasonable to say that under this particular model of education, there is a general determination to curb certain male behaviors that are deemed undesirable and to also encourage boys to become more feminised in order to succeed.
The balance needs to be redressed, but in the mean times, instilling a sense of chivalry and gentlemanly conduct in young boys, allows them to have a positive conduit through which to focus their natural tendencies, rather than encouraging them to suppress them.
The "Boy Code" of behaviour is a problem, as it is a matter of society expectations of male behaviour resulting in negative emotional reactions. But being chivalric bridges the gap between societal expectations and the real emotional needs of a boy. Because gentlemanly conduct is already an acceptable social model for male behaviour, it doesn't require a boy to defy the greater projections of society and so feel like an outcast. At the same time, it allows for expression of emotion in a way that is positive, even if those emotions are negative. It doesn't deny aggression, sadness or anger, but it does focus them into something better for society and better for the boys themselves.
That gentlemanly, chivalric conduct can provide good role models for young boys, is pretty self evident, especially if boys are surrounded by these kinds of men. Seeing ones father act in this way is very good, but it's even better to also see it from uncles, teachers, grandfathers and any other men of significant in a boy's life.
However, chivalric male role models are also important for young girls, as it helps to inform them about how they should seek to be treated by the men in their lives, as they grow up.
Chivalry for Ladies
A gentlemanly code of behaviour and ethics also goes over well with the ladies. Though, I have heard some men express the opinion that one of the reasons that chivalry is dead, is because there aren't any "ladies" out there any more. It seems that while a lot of women are asking "where did all the good men go?",so too are lots of men wondering where all the good women went.
It's true that while we can (and should) all be at least civil to one another, it may feel pointless to extend gentlemanly conduct to woman that appears unable to reciprocate and likewise, it no doubt feels pointless to act like a lady for a man that is showing himself to be far from a gentleman.
But here is the thing, being a gentleman doesn't mean being a doormat and it doesn't mean laying down your proverbial coat for someone who doesn't deserve it. In fact, chivalry is as much about self-respect and maintaining your own honour, as it is about displaying your willingness to help others.
Remember, being a chivalrous gent is a way to be a better man and that is something that benefits you. If you become that better man, then the lady who seeks you and also rises to that level, will be the one you deserve.
If you honestly don't believe that there are any "ladies" out there any more, that's too bad. But it should not stop you being a gentleman, both for yourself, for society and for the good of other men.
However, chivalric male role models are also important for young girls, as it helps to inform them about how they should seek to be treated by the men in their lives, as they grow up.
Chivalry for Ladies
A gentlemanly code of behaviour and ethics also goes over well with the ladies. Though, I have heard some men express the opinion that one of the reasons that chivalry is dead, is because there aren't any "ladies" out there any more. It seems that while a lot of women are asking "where did all the good men go?",so too are lots of men wondering where all the good women went.
It's true that while we can (and should) all be at least civil to one another, it may feel pointless to extend gentlemanly conduct to woman that appears unable to reciprocate and likewise, it no doubt feels pointless to act like a lady for a man that is showing himself to be far from a gentleman.
But here is the thing, being a gentleman doesn't mean being a doormat and it doesn't mean laying down your proverbial coat for someone who doesn't deserve it. In fact, chivalry is as much about self-respect and maintaining your own honour, as it is about displaying your willingness to help others.
Remember, being a chivalrous gent is a way to be a better man and that is something that benefits you. If you become that better man, then the lady who seeks you and also rises to that level, will be the one you deserve.
If you honestly don't believe that there are any "ladies" out there any more, that's too bad. But it should not stop you being a gentleman, both for yourself, for society and for the good of other men.
Pride Aspiring to Beauty
Ultimately, chivalry is about taking pride in oneself, knowing that you are worth something and because of that all of your words and deeds should be just as worthy.
Honour, courtesy and gallantry are the principles of the chivalrous gentleman. He practices these traits internally and externally.
Perhaps many in the modern world have abandoned chivalry as a concept now long dead. But it need not be. In fact, it may be just the tool that modern man needs, to rediscover himself.
It may be time for a chivalric renaissance.
Ultimately, chivalry is about taking pride in oneself, knowing that you are worth something and because of that all of your words and deeds should be just as worthy.
Honour, courtesy and gallantry are the principles of the chivalrous gentleman. He practices these traits internally and externally.
Perhaps many in the modern world have abandoned chivalry as a concept now long dead. But it need not be. In fact, it may be just the tool that modern man needs, to rediscover himself.
It may be time for a chivalric renaissance.